Through a haze of smoke, the morning sun cascades through the trees illuminating the dew on the grass like tiny, twinkling stars. Somehow it reminds me of her. That sparkle she had in her eyes when she casually tossed her long black hair and glanced at me through conversations.
How I knew she was thinking of me even while talking to others. I'm consumed with wonder about what might have been if I had just stayed one time. If I had not been my usual self. I remember late-night conversations and sneaky smiles between flirty words. She tried to pierce through heavily guarded walls searching for that connection through sparkling eyes.
My mind fumbles through old memories like text messages that should have been deleted long ago. I shouldn't be able to recall your dimples squinting through the steam of our midnight dinner plates. But I do. I have no right to remember the sweetness in your gestures and the kindness of your words. But, I'll take it selfishly. I wish I didn't have to remember that longing look of confusion as I walked away. But I can't forget. I wish you could know how I thought of you as I drove away and how scared I was that you had seen even the slightest bit of this broken me.
As I lay awake in bed, I dreamt of you and how I wish that I knew myself so that you could know me too. Now I'll never know the true beauty of your heart or the light of your soul. All I can do is sit here and stare at the morning dew, drinking my overpriced coffee and wonder what it might have been like to laugh with you in remote locations. I know you're off somewhere, traipsing through those locales with somebody who is worthy of you. I know you're better off.
I suppose today, I'll just refill this coffee and try to be a better man.
Sometimes that's all we can do.